From Fear to Confidence
By Jeff Ahlgrim, Heartland
Community Church
Remember when you were a kid lying in bed
in the dark and you heard something, or thought you saw something move?
We were scared. Our hearts felt like they were going to pound out of our
chests. Sometimes we wanted to scream for help, but we couldn’t.
How did you handle that fear?
As we get older, our fears become more
complex. We’re less afraid of things like bumps in the night or
monsters under our beds, and more shaken by things like work pressures
or job security, our kids, our relationships, our finances, or health
issues. We may be older, but the unknowns and uncontrollable things
roaming around in our minds can produce the same kind of fears that make
our adrenaline rush, our blood pressure rise and even freeze us in
place.
I’ve had some experience with fear. Not
just the, "I’m worried" or "I had a scare" stuff.
I’m talking about life dominating anxiety and stress -- driven fears
that threw me into the fight of my life.
My fight against fear began on
Thanksgiving Day 1991. This was no typical Thanksgiving. I was in
Dublin, Ireland. I went to Europe with a group of people to visit
missionaries. It was the trip of a lifetime, and everything was going
great. So on Thanksgiving morning when I hopped into the back seat of a
missionary friend’s Morris Mini in Dublin that morning, I never
expected anything unusual to happen. They call that car a mini for good
reason!
We we’re headed out to an Irish manor
called Drewstown House. It is a Christian camp and conference center. At
Drewstown, we were to meet a group of American missionaries to celebrate
Thanksgiving dinner. But on the way out of Dublin, we got stuck in
traffic.
As I was sitting in the back seat of that
little car, behind a huge guy, I started to get this feeling that our
Mini was getting even ‘mini-er.’ I tried to think about other things
but when that didn’t work and I knew I was either going to pass out or
freak out, so as calmly as I could, I said to the guy sitting in front
of me, "I’m not doing too well back here, is there any way we
could trade places?." Fortunately, even though he barely fit, he
somehow squeezed himself into the backseat and let me sit up front.
Eventually, we got out of traffic and into the country.
We had a great Thanksgiving overeating
and watching NFL football on video. We celebrated the fact that we were
part of the land of the free and the home of the brave. But I didn’t
feel too free or brave that day, because when I thought about getting
back into that Mini to go home, a sense of panic came over me.
I prayed, and I planned. I managed to
trade places with someone who had come in a normal-sized car and made it
back to Dublin that night. I didn’t have a clue that my claustrophobic
incident was just the beginning of one of the scariest rides of my life;
a ride that would last nearly four years.
When I returned from Europe, my fear came
with me. Whatever had caused this sense of panic in me wasn’t helped
by the fact that I came home to some of the most spiritually,
relationally, and physically demanding situations I’ve ever
encountered in my work as a pastor.
I found myself in a daily battle against
panic. Before it was over, I was not only avoiding the back seat of
cars, I couldn’t sit on the inside of restaurant booths or ride on
elevators. When I started to feel claustrophobic just lying bed at
night, I knew fear was getting the best of me.
To cope, I’d compensate. I’d take the
stairs instead of elevators. If I went to a restaurant with friends and
they wanted to sit in a booth, I’d just head to the bathroom. Then, I
could be sure to get the last outside seat. I got good at all this
stuff. But fear and panic would still sneak up and get me when I least
expected it. Fear was beginning to roll into fear. Panic possibilities
seemed to be surrounding me. I had run into the first of four facts
I would learn about fear.
Fact #1: Fear Feeds on Fear
Allow a little worry or some self-doubt
to creep into your life and you’ll discover, that fear has the ability
to multiply and morph into something bigger and scarier than you ever
imagined. That’s because fear’s favorite tactic is the pile-on.
When my fears began to escalate and pile
up, did I go for help? No, I was too proud and too self-sufficient to do
that. I kept hoping I would wake up some day and discover all this stuff
was just a figment of my imagination. But that didn’t happen. I was
able to work around situations or control things well enough to get by.
But in the fall of 1994 I was forced to face my fears head on.
Drewstown House outside Dublin was in
dire need of repairs, and I was working on a plan to send a work team
there from the church I served in Indiana.
Never thinking that all this fear and
anxiety stuff I was experiencing would still be an issue, I came into
the winter of 1994 facing a real dilemma. I was set to leave with my
team in June and it dawned on me that this would require me to do things
like get inside an airplane and stay there for seven hours. If I
survived that, I would then have get into a vehicle and travel the very
streets where I had begun my journey of fear. The more I thought about
this, the less sure I was about being able to do it.
I had run into Fact #2: Fear comes
when we wonder if we have the resources to face a threat.
The less sure I am about my ability to
cope with something, the more afraid of it I’ll be. It doesn’t
matter how big or small that ‘something’ is. What sets off and
creates fear in us is the belief that we don’t have what it takes to
handle some thing or situation. Intimacy with God or other people is
scary because it has uncertainty and unknowns written all over it. We’re
not sure we have what it takes to be that committed, we’re not sure we
can give that much of ourselves away, so we hold back or run from these
relationships instead of learning how to embrace them.
So, the real story behind our fears is a
lack of confidence in our abilities. Behind every one of our fears are
questions like, "Can I handle this?" "Will I
succeed?" "Will I survive?"
In 1994, I was faced with some big,
unavoidable choices. I either had to find a way out of leading this work
team to Ireland or I had to find a way to work through my fears. I had
to choose. I discovered though my experience with fear that we can
choose whether we give fear the power to be a destructive force or a
constructive force in our lives.
That’s at the heart of Fact #3:
Destructive fear immobilizes us and constructive fear mobilizes us.
Our inner fears have the power to freeze
us in place or move us toward God. Like a little child frightened
in the dark, we can lie there scared stiff, unable to move, hoping we
won’t be eaten alive, or we can call out to our heavenly father to
come help and rescue us.
Some of us who have let anxiety and panic
run our lives for long periods of time may need to seek professional
help. A good doctor or counselor who specializes in these things may be
needed to help us break the panic patterns we’ve established. Getting
professional help is not a sign of a lack of trust in God, so long as we
don’t depend solely on medication or therapy and leave God out of our
healing process.
Fear builds on itself. It grows out of
doubt in our ability to cope. And that it can freeze us in place or move
us toward God. But knowing how fear works is only half the story.
Discovering how God can move us beyond our fears is what we really need
to figure out.
The Bible contains a book called the
Psalms. Most of the Psalms are songs or poems written by Israel’s King
David. As a boy, David was the one who stepped up and took on the giant
Goliath when none of the soldiers in Israel’s army would. David
learned early what it meant to face his fears with God’s help. But
later in life, after David had become king, he wrote quite a bit about
his struggle to keep on fighting the fears that came his way.
Because of the openness and honesty of
David’s Psalms, his songs often read like a life journal. This makes
the Psalms of David a great source of God-oriented guidance on how we
can move beyond our fears. David tells us in Psalm 55 that the
first step in moving beyond fear is to do a fear audit. David
wrote wasn’t afraid to admit to himself and to God what was creating
fear in his life. Here’s his list of fears from the beginning of Psalm
55:
"I am overwhelmed by my troubles. My
enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They bring trouble
on me, hunting me down in their anger. My heart is in anguish. The
terror of death overpowers me. Fear and trembling overwhelm me. I can't
stop shaking." (Psalm
55:2-5)
David dug deeper and discovered why he
was so afraid. His fears were being caused by real people, who were
really angry at him and David was convinced they were angry enough to
hunt him down and kill him. Those seem to me like pretty good reasons to
be afraid.
Then David shares how these threats were
affecting him. His heart was in anguish. The thought of being killed was
terrorizing and taking over his life. When David analyzed his fear, he
had to admit he was so unsure of his ability to survive. His shaking
body proved he was shaken to the core.
Have you ever been so intimidated by the
people or events of your life that you could lie in bed and feel and
hear your heart pounding with fear or anxiety? At the peak of my fears
my body reacted by keeping all system on high alert. Adrenaline up,
heart rate up, blood pressure up …this was a perfect set up for panic
to show up, and it did. If you struggle with fear affecting your life,
here are some valuable questions to guide you through a fear audit,
"What’s going on?" Describe your feelings and behaviors.
"What’s threatening me?" List the things that are
intimidating you. "What doubts are behind my fears?" Remember,
fear is a response to not feeling equipped to cope, find out what’s
behind your fears?
As I pulled apart my pile of fears, I was
surprised at what I found. I was in my 30s and discovered I was bothered
by the fact that nearly half my life was over. At the same time, I was a
relatively new dad of two boys and wondered if I would have what it
takes to be a good parent. I was under heavy pressure to perform at
work, and there were many other big and little issues. Put them all
together, and like David, I was overwhelmed.
To move beyond the fear in your life, you’ll
need to make your list and dig as deep as you can. You need to know what’s
in your pile of fears and what you’re really afraid of. For David, he
was afraid of being killed, for me I think most of my fears revolved
around the fear of failure.
After you’ve got your fear audit in
hand (and it’s not a bad idea to actually write it out) you’re ready
for step two in moving beyond your fears: measure God. Now it’s
time to take our fear lists and hold then up against the character and
resources of God.
In another of his journal entries, Psalm
27:1, David shows us how he used this fear fighting strategy. He wrote, "The
Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord
protects me from danger—so why should I tremble?"
David knew in his head that God was
committed to his deliverance, that God was committed to protecting him,
so he needed to get that truth translated from his head to his heart and
to his shaking body.
Don’t overlook that little phrase David
just used, "The Lord is my light and my salvation." Think back
again to our childhood days. How much of a fear killer was it when you
were lying in bed scared to death and your mom or dad came in turned on
the lights? They may have even stayed with you until you fell back to
sleep. Their ability to turn on the light chased away our fear.
David tells us that’s exactly what God
does for us too. He is our light that reveals what is real and what isn’t.
He is the more powerful, fearless one who comes in and stays with us
until our fears go away. To rid ourselves of our fears we have to list
them and then compare our lists against God’s abilities and resources
asking ourselves questions like, "How big is God?"
"What are his resources?"
As we get to know God better and learn to
trust him more, God gets bigger and our fears grow smaller.
That sounds too simple, doesn’t it?
That’s because there’s more. We DO need to list out our fears and we
DO need to measure them against God. Then, after we’ve gotten
everything in perspective, we need to personally invite God to help us.
Step 3 in moving beyond our fears is to ask God to fight your
battles.
David tells us how he did this. "Morning,
noon, and night I plead aloud in my distress, and the Lord hears my
voice. ...God who is king forever will hear me and humble them…
(Psalms 55:17&19)
Two important things to note: David doesn’t
offer us a magic bullet or a quick fix here. He says that all day long…morning
noon and night he would plead with God to help him keep his fears at
bay. When the threats are big and our fear pile is deep, that’s
continual, unending contact with God may be required.
The second thing to note is that David
asked God specifically to "hear him" and "humble
them." He was saying to God, "God, you take on the people who
are threatening me and making me so afraid."
Then David invites anyone reading his
story to follow his example. He challenges us with these words:
"Give your burdens to the Lord,
and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and
fall." (Psalm 55:22)
If you find yourself hampered by worry or
anxiety or any kind of fear-based emotion, I’d encourage you ask this
key question: "Can I trust God to handle this?" God has
promised that he will not allow anyone trusting in him to slip and fall.
Even if you not 100 percent sure you can trust God that much, you
can still do what David did when he was scared to death, you can
ask God to fight for you.
When I was faced with the facts that I
didn’t think I had within me the resources to get into a plane and fly
back to Ireland, the birthplace of my fears, I made a bold move that
turned the tide. At a meeting of church leaders I told them that I was
really in doubt about my ability to do what I needed to do to take our
work team to Ireland. I laid out all my fears and doubts (my list) to
them. I told them, "At this moment I can’t do this, there’s no
way. But I want and need you to pray with me that God will take on my
fears and give me the strength to do what I’m convinced I can’t."
I prayed hard and often that winter. That
group of leaders also seriously prayed for me and with me.
We asked God to fight for me and against
my fears. You can use that same approach. Build a prayer support team.
Our team went to Drewstown. It was the
first American work team to go to Drewstown House after its current
director, John Bailie, took over. John didn’t want us to come, he was
afraid we would make a mess of things, and he knew how headstrong and
pushy Americans could be. But God worked me through my fears and John
Balie through his, and now nearly ten teams have been over there in the
past decade with more than $50,000 invested in the place. A friend of
mine who has led many of those teams told me about a year ago that every
time a new team of Americans comes over, John Bailie tells them about
the first pastor and his team who came and how God used them to change
his life and dramatically change the future of Drewstown.
I was thrilled when I heard that, but I
remembered and will always remember and give credit to the one who got
me and my team there, God who took my fear list and took those fears on
and allowed me to find the peace and strength to move beyond my fears
and get my life back. And that’s step four in moving beyond our fears:
Find God’s peace and live.
I got my life back and fund peace when I
took the steps necessary to move beyond my fears. David told us how and
so did the Bible’s Apostle Paul who wrote these words: "Don't
worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you
need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will
experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind
can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live
in Christ Jesus."
I hung on those words they supplied me
with the perspective and peace I needed to trust God and move back into
living at peace.
God doesn’t promise to remove all the
scary stuff or intimidating people from our lives, but he does promise
he will always be there with us and be there for us to turn on the light
-- the light of his truth. He will help us see how big he is, so that in
the face of fear and worry and anxiety -- even panic -- we can trust him
and determine that we won’t run and hide. With faith in a God who is
bigger than our problems we don’t have to shut down or back down.
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