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Shame is described as "an acid that strips us of our dignity and dissolves hope." Shame is contempt or anger turned inward. It’s the "traumatic exposure of nakedness." When my evil heart or human limitations are exposed for others to see, I feel shame.

So what is the difference between guilt and shame?

Guilt says I’ve done something wrong. Shame says there’s something wrong with me. Guilt says I’ve made a mistake. Shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did was not good. Shame says I’m no good.

There are three shame igniters:

1. Every person is capable of evil. When we do something harmful like lying, cheating on our taxes, breaking the law, having an affair, spewing anger, and others find out, our lifestyle and character is exposed, and shame happens. All of a sudden, we feel the penetrating gaze of others and a truckload of inner ugliness.

2. Every person is incompetent. There are certain tasks we can’t do well. I am not very mechanically inclined. So when I try to fix something, I break it more and I look like an unskilled klutz. That’s when shame happens and it feels like the handymen of the world are staring down on me saying, "You don’t have what it takes." That’s why I’m quick to call a repairman—it keeps my shame in check.

3. Every person wants to look better. Let’s face it. If someone looked close enough, they’d find some physical flaws or ugliness in you and me. When our weight, hair, clothes, complexion IQ, personality are exposed or noticed or commented on by others, we feel that searing glace of shame that tells us we’re not beautiful on the outside or inside.

When we feel shame, how do we react or respond?

Shame can emerge as self-contempt. I turn my anger inward to humiliate and belittle myself. It usually begins with the familiar phrase: "I am a …" "I’m an idiot. I’m so stupid. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never get it right. I’m so ugly. I’m undisciplined. I’m always late. I’m a looser, a failure, lazy. How can anyone stand to be around me?" Shame is a self-attack upon our own ugliness.

Shame can lead to running and hiding. When our evil, incompetence, or ugliness gets exposed to others, we want out of there fast. We want to fade into the woodwork, become invisible, or escape to a safe, numb place from our inner agony.

Shame can destroy. Shame lashes out to destroy self and blind the observer who sees our flaws or mess-ups. This assault can come in the form of annihilation of self and others.

Where does shame come from? Some blame the negative environment around us for our low self-esteem. We’re a product of evil people who hurt us and make us feel bad about ourselves. But is this the source of shame? I think it goes much deeper than our environment.

Isaiah 43:17 says, But those who trust in idols, calling them their gods--they will be turned away in shame. Psalm 97:7 says, All who worship images are put to shame…. According to those texts, trusting or worshipping self-made idols or images results in shame.

Awhile back, Jean and I were both leaving the house, in separate vehicles, at the same time. I pulled out of the garage first and instinctively hit the garage door closer, at the exact moment she was pulling out. The van ended up with nice scratches on the roof, and the garage door had a nice crease in it.

Immediately, the feeling of shame began to surface. I said to myself, "You idiot. You looser. Can’t you do anything right?" At that moment I wanted to escape to a safe place and hide. I had been exposed. Of course, I did quick surveillance to see if any of the neighbors had seen my miscue. Fortunately, Jean was the only eyewitness. So, did my shame come from my neighborhood’s negative environment? No.

Here’s the problem: I had created for myself a "looking good, have my act together, never make a mistake, never look like a fool or klutz" image or ego. This was "Perfect Roger"—my self-made little god that I sometimes worshipped rather than God.

When I was a kid, we’d go to the State Fair of Texas. There was this glass house ride full of mirrors that would distort the way you looked. You could become fat, thin, tall, or skinny, depending on the mirror you stood in front of. Of course, I always stood in front of the one that made me look the best on the outside. In real life, I do the same thing by creating in my mind the best image on the inside. That is, until something like the garage door incident occurs.

When the door went down on our minivan, my "perfect little image" got shredded, and my glory went out the window. My self-made image was damaged worse than the door. My shame exposed me as T.S. Eliot said, "to my endless struggle to think well about myself."

Shame happens when our worship is invested in self rather than God.

In fact, God asks two very penetrating questions: Psalm 4:2 says, How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?

Shame is an internal wake-up call that we’re worshipping someone or something besides God. At this point, we can respond to shame in one of two ways: withdraw and destroy or stand exposed and turn to God. Shame can actually be a gift from God that exposes our sin and idolatry and invites us to look into the eyes of God who does not condemn—but instead, offers grace and forgiveness. You see, shame can actually deepen our relationship with God.

James paints a picture of brokenness for us in James 4:7-10: So humble yourselves before God...Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, you hypocrites. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor.

It’s in your sorrow and brokenness that God lifts up your heart and offers you grace, honor, forgiveness and hope. It’s in your brokenness that you shame, shame. For most people, shame is an enemy. For the Christ follower, it becomes a friend that exposes our idolatry and draws us to the wonder of the cross. It’s Jesus who understands our shame the best. Hebrews 12:2 says, Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

It’s in our brokenness we discover God’s grace for overcoming our shame. Jesus experienced the ultimate expression of shame by dying on a cross, bearing the burden of our sins--to free us from the straightjacket of shame so we could experience his forgiveness and acceptance. God invites you to stop hiding your shame from Him and others and bring it out into the open and humbly accept His grace by placing your trust in Jesus as your Savior.

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God– not by works, so that no one can boast. It’s the cross that breaks the power of shame. Not only will God lift you up and give you honor, He will give you a new mirror to stand in front of--to see yourself through His eyes—as someone who is loved, prized, cherished and treasured in His eyes. It’s that mirror (those new eyes) that brings true healing to your shame.