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Facing Your Fears:  Loneliness
By Roger Pryor, Heartland Community Church

According to Mother Teresa, the biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer. It's the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted-of being deserted and alone. Billy Graham says loneliness is man’s greatest problem.

Our fear of loneliness is fueled by the fact that we’ve all experienced it before. As a kid, I regularly experienced the pain of being chosen last in P.E. class; or sitting by myself in the school cafeteria; or standing in a crowded room and never being noticed. For those of you who have been divorced, experienced a relational meltdown, experienced the death of a close friend or family member, or been transferred to a new city—you know loneliness, and you’re afraid of it. We all are.

Unfortunately, when we don’t deal come to terms with our fear of loneliness, we pay a high price. It keeps us stuck in unhealthy relationships—ready to run into anyone’s arms to avoid loneliness. It causes us to break all kinds of moral boundaries. The fear of loneliness drives us to control and smother others. It leads us to choose wrong friends and make bad choices.

So overcoming the fear of loneliness is critical to living a satisfied life because that fear is the symptom of some unmet relational need you have. Let me share with you two levels of loneliness and show you how to connect relationally on both of these levels. First of all, you will never find ultimate relational fulfillment until your relational need with God is met.

The first level of loneliness is spiritual loneliness. God created us to have a relationship with us. Genesis 1:27 says, So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.

Unfortunately, that relationship went haywire. Adam and Eve—the first humans on the earth—decided to break the one rule God had established for them. In their one act of disobedience, they set off a chain reaction that has left all humankind lonely and separated relationally from God.

The Old Testament prophet Isaiah explains our problem of spiritual loneliness. In Isaiah 59:2 it says, But there is a problem--your sins have cut you off from God…. Our moral failures have driven a wedge between God and us.

Maybe you have a gnawing sense that something is missing in your life. Your search for significance has reached a dead end. You joined the club, bought the new house, climbed the corp. ladder, and married your sweetheart, but you still don’t feel significant or satisfied. You still feel a sense of loneliness. Maybe you’re dealing with this first kind of loneliness—spiritual loneliness.

You see, God recognized our loneliness with Him, so He took the initiative to address the relational gap caused by our sinfulness. He sent his Son Jesus to die on a cross to pay the penalty for our sins so we could be forgiven and our relationship with God restored.

Some of you may remember Jesus’ last words as hung dying on the cross. Author Max Lucado describes this event:

The King turns away from his Prince. The undiluted wrath of a sin-hating Father falls upon his sin-filled Son. The Son looks for his Father, but the Father cannot be seen.

"My God, my God…why?" It was the most gut-wrenching cry of loneliness in history, and it came not from a prisoner or a widow or a patient. It came from a hill, from a cross, from a Messiah. "My God, my God," he screamed, "why did you abandon me!" Never have words carried such hurt. Never has one being been so lonely. The despair is darker than the sky. The two who have been one are now two.

Jesus felt the same spiritual loneliness we feel, only to the ultimate extreme. Why? To pave the way for you and me to have a personal relationship with God so we wouldn’t have to go through life and eternity missing true community with God the Father. You can only satisfy your spiritual loneliness by establishing a personal relationship with God through placing your trust in Jesus as your Savior.

You can express your decision to trust Christ with following prayer: Dear God, I admit that I am a sinner and I understand that my sin separates me from you. I believe that Jesus paid the penalty for all my sins when He died on the cross. I now choose to trust Jesus as my Savior.

Once you become a Christ follower, you will never experience ultimate loneliness again. It’s not that you won’t feel loneliness, but those feelings can actually become a springboard to push you toward the powerful truth of God’s presence in your life. For instance, the Apostle Paul experienced loneliness in a real way. He was locked away in prison, awaiting his execution. He writes in 2 Timothy 4:16-17, The first time I was brought before the judge, no one was with me. Everyone had abandoned me…But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength.

When the feelings of loneliness well up within you, allow them to push you closer and deeper in your relationship Him. Make the move toward him and you’ll find that he’s always been there.

The second level is relational loneliness with others, which is at epidemic proportions today. In the first few pages of the Bible, you’ll find a record of God creating this world. After every creative act, God steps back and says, "It is good." When he created Adam—the first human, he said it was very good. Adam had a level one spiritual connectedness with God mastered. But God saw a level two relational problem and for the first time said that something was not good. Genesis 2:18 says, And the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him."

One author said, "God’s game plan is basic. He wants us to have a vibrant connection with him through Christ, and he also wants us to walk deeply in relationship with others."

This relational game plan was clarified by Jesus when he was asked what the greatest of all God’s commandments was. Matthew 22:37-39 says, You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.

Level one relationships love God with all they have. Level two relationships love others with all they have. You see, it’s your level one relationship with God that provides the foundation and impetus for your level two relational connections with others.

To develop your level two relationships with others:

1. Take regular relational risks. Every time you take a relational risk, you are reflecting the character and nature of God. When you don’t take those relational risks, you’ll end up hiding behind your fear and being all alone and disconnected from others, much like Jim Sulkers.

One November day in 2002, Jim Sulkers, a 53-year-old retired municipal worker from Winnipeg, Canada, climbed into bed, pulled the covers up, and died. Nearly two years later, on August 25, 2004, police found his body in a mummified state.

Mr. Sulkers' death went undiscovered because he was reclusive, estranged from family members, and had a medical condition that prevented his body from decomposing and emitting odors. In addition, automatic banking deposited his disability pension and withdrew utilities and other expenses as they came due.

This man's life was extended virtually for two years by the technology he used. A news reporter said this: "What you have here is a lack of community." What a tragedy! No one missed him for two years. In order to experience level two relationships, you must take regular relational risks.

Proverbs 18:24 says, Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.

How do you find a friend like that? You find friends by being friendly and by taking relational risks

2. Live the "one anothers". A few weeks ago, I listed out 30 "one anothers" from the Bible. Imagine if you decided to put the "other" back into the "one anothers" in your relationships. What if you chose to live out: Encourage one another, live in harmony with one another, serve one another, be kind to one another, be devoted to one another, and forgive one another. Take five minutes a day to encounter God and be changed forever by living out a "one another" verse.