Facing Your Fears: Loneliness
By Roger Pryor, Heartland
Community Church
According to Mother Teresa, the
biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer. It's the feeling of
being uncared for, unwanted-of being deserted and alone. Billy
Graham says loneliness is man’s greatest problem.
Our fear of loneliness is fueled by
the fact that we’ve all experienced it before. As a kid, I
regularly experienced the pain of being chosen last in P.E. class;
or sitting by myself in the school cafeteria; or standing in a
crowded room and never being noticed. For those of you who have been
divorced, experienced a relational meltdown, experienced the death
of a close friend or family member, or been transferred to a new
city—you know loneliness, and you’re afraid of it. We all are.
Unfortunately, when we don’t deal
come to terms with our fear of loneliness, we pay a high price. It
keeps us stuck in unhealthy relationships—ready to run into anyone’s
arms to avoid loneliness. It causes us to break all kinds of moral
boundaries. The fear of loneliness drives us to control and smother
others. It leads us to choose wrong friends and make bad choices.
So overcoming the fear of loneliness
is critical to living a satisfied life because that fear is the
symptom of some unmet relational need you have. Let me share with
you two levels of loneliness and show you how to connect
relationally on both of these levels. First of all, you will never
find ultimate relational fulfillment until your relational need with
God is met.
The first level of loneliness is spiritual
loneliness. God created us to have a relationship with us.
Genesis 1:27 says, So God created people in his own image; God
patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.
Unfortunately, that relationship went
haywire. Adam and Eve—the first humans on the earth—decided to
break the one rule God had established for them. In their one act of
disobedience, they set off a chain reaction that has left all
humankind lonely and separated relationally from God.
The Old Testament prophet Isaiah
explains our problem of spiritual loneliness. In Isaiah 59:2 it
says, But there is a problem--your sins have cut you off from God….
Our moral failures have driven a wedge between God and us.
Maybe you have a gnawing sense that
something is missing in your life. Your search for significance has
reached a dead end. You joined the club, bought the new house,
climbed the corp. ladder, and married your sweetheart, but you still
don’t feel significant or satisfied. You still feel a sense of
loneliness. Maybe you’re dealing with this first kind of
loneliness—spiritual loneliness.
You see, God recognized our
loneliness with Him, so He took the initiative to address the
relational gap caused by our sinfulness. He sent his Son Jesus to
die on a cross to pay the penalty for our sins so we could be
forgiven and our relationship with God restored.
Some of you may remember Jesus’
last words as hung dying on the cross. Author Max Lucado describes
this event:
The King turns away from his
Prince. The undiluted wrath of a sin-hating Father falls upon
his sin-filled Son. The Son looks for his Father, but the Father
cannot be seen.
"My God, my God…why?"
It was the most gut-wrenching cry of loneliness in history, and
it came not from a prisoner or a widow or a patient. It came
from a hill, from a cross, from a Messiah. "My God, my
God," he screamed, "why did you abandon me!"
Never have words carried such hurt. Never has one being been so
lonely. The despair is darker than the sky. The two who have
been one are now two.
Jesus felt the same spiritual
loneliness we feel, only to the ultimate extreme. Why? To pave the
way for you and me to have a personal relationship with God so we
wouldn’t have to go through life and eternity missing true
community with God the Father. You can only satisfy your spiritual
loneliness by establishing a personal relationship with God through
placing your trust in Jesus as your Savior.
You can express your decision to
trust Christ with following prayer:
Dear God, I admit that I am a sinner and I understand that my sin
separates me from you. I believe that Jesus paid the penalty for all
my sins when He died on the cross. I now choose to trust Jesus as my
Savior.
Once you become a Christ follower,
you will never experience ultimate loneliness again. It’s not that
you won’t feel loneliness, but those feelings can actually become
a springboard to push you toward the powerful truth of God’s
presence in your life. For instance, the Apostle Paul experienced
loneliness in a real way. He was locked away in prison, awaiting his
execution. He writes in 2 Timothy 4:16-17, The first time I was
brought before the judge, no one was with me. Everyone had abandoned
me…But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength.
When the feelings of loneliness well
up within you, allow them to push you closer and deeper in your
relationship Him. Make the move toward him and you’ll find that he’s
always been there.
The second level is relational
loneliness with others, which is at epidemic proportions today.
In the first few pages of the Bible, you’ll find a record of God
creating this world. After every creative act, God steps back and
says, "It is good." When he created Adam—the first
human, he said it was very good. Adam had a level one
spiritual connectedness with God mastered. But God saw a level two
relational problem and for the first time said that something was
not good. Genesis 2:18 says, And
the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a companion who will help him."
One author said, "God’s game
plan is basic. He wants us to have a vibrant connection with him
through Christ, and he also wants us to walk deeply in relationship
with others."
This relational game plan was
clarified by Jesus when he was asked what the greatest of all God’s
commandments was. Matthew 22:37-39 says, You must love the Lord
your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This
is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally
important: Love your neighbor as yourself.
Level one relationships love God
with all they have. Level two relationships love others with
all they have. You see, it’s your level one relationship with God
that provides the foundation and impetus for your level two
relational connections with others.
To develop your level two
relationships with others:
1. Take regular relational risks.
Every time you take a relational risk, you are reflecting the
character and nature of God. When you don’t take those relational
risks, you’ll end up hiding behind your fear and being all alone
and disconnected from others, much like Jim Sulkers.
One November day in 2002, Jim
Sulkers, a 53-year-old retired municipal worker from Winnipeg,
Canada, climbed into bed, pulled the covers up, and died. Nearly two
years later, on August 25, 2004, police found his body in a
mummified state.
Mr. Sulkers' death went undiscovered
because he was reclusive, estranged from family members, and had a
medical condition that prevented his body from decomposing and
emitting odors. In addition, automatic banking deposited his
disability pension and withdrew utilities and other expenses as they
came due.
This man's life was extended
virtually for two years by the technology he used. A news reporter
said this: "What you have here is a lack of community."
What a tragedy! No one missed him for two years. In order to
experience level two relationships, you must take regular relational
risks.
Proverbs 18:24 says, Friends come
and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.
How do you find a friend like that?
You find friends by being friendly and by taking relational risks
2. Live the "one anothers".
A few weeks ago, I listed out 30 "one anothers" from the
Bible. Imagine if you decided to put the "other" back into
the "one anothers" in your relationships. What if you
chose to live out: Encourage one another, live in harmony with one
another, serve one another, be kind to one another, be devoted to
one another, and forgive one another. Take five minutes a day to
encounter God and be changed forever by living out a "one
another" verse.
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