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It’s a challenge to connect with people who are wired up from birth with a particular way of relating to and communicating with others. It’s all about the collision of our personality types.

A number of years ago, we introduced some of you to the DISC Model of Human Behavior. The DISC is a simple four-quadrant model that identifies very basic preferences that go a long way toward explaining why we are the way we are. Here’s how it works:

On the horizontal axis, there is the continuum that goes from task-oriented on one end to people-oriented on the other. Are you more interested in getting a task done or hanging out with people? Are you more interested in results or relationships? On the vertical axis, the continuum goes from passive on one to active on the other. Do you like to maintain the status quo or do you like to shake things up?

Now in theory, you can plot out your predominant preferences on this little graph and the intersection of the two gives you a pretty accurate understanding of your personality type.

For instance, those whose preferences place them in the top left quadrant (i.e. task-oriented and active) tend to be dominating, directing, and decisive. These are the "D" personalities. They say, "Follow my lead". Those whose preferences intersect in the bottom right quadrant (people oriented/passive) are the "S" personalities who are steady and supportive.

Those whose preferences intersect in the lower left quadrant (task-oriented/passive) are known as "C" personalities who keep it between the lines—they’re conscientious and cautious. Finally, those whose preferences intersect in the top right quadrant (people-oriented/active) are the "I" personalities—the life of the party—they inspire and influence others.

Generally, one or two of these letters describes you. Before we get to the "D" personality, let me share with you four ground rules concerning how we will use this information. 1. No personality type is better or worse than another. Each type has both their strengths and weaknesses. 2. Don’t reduce people to a set of letters. Remember. These four letters just describe their predominant characteristics or preferences, not the whole person.

3. Don’t use your personality type as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. For instance, if you act like a jerk, it’s not because you are a <blank> personality. It’s because you’re a jerk. 4. God’s goal is to maximize your personality by producing the fruit of the Spirit in you. When you become a Christ follower by placing your trust in Jesus as your Savior and forgiver, God begins taking the raw material of your personality type and changing you. Over time you start looking a little less like "you" and little more like "Jesus". New character qualities begin to appear in your life that may not even match up with your personality type.

The Apostle Paul describes these character qualities as the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Check out this list. Do any of them jump out at you as being—"That’s not me. Patience—no way!"

I’ll suggest that those missing qualities are directly related to the inherent weaknesses of your personality type. But here’s the good news. Those of you who are Christ followers don’t have to be ruled by default wiring. When God the Holy Spirit controls you and you keep in step with Him, you can be as gentle or patient as Jesus. Through the series I’ll apply these qualities to the four different personalities. Today, we’re going to see how they apply to the D-personality.

Let’s begin with a closer look at this type. 1. D’s tend to prefer tasks over people, and they tend to be more active than passive. Given the choice between getting something done or sitting around shooting the breeze, they’ll usually choose the project. 2. Most D-personalities have a high sense of confidence. Their intense desire to achieve often gives them the courage to try new things most wouldn’t try. Want to energize a "D"? Just tell them it can’t be done. D’s love to win, but they’re greatest fear is losing.

3. Because "D’s" believe they can do anything…they desire control—of everything. D’s like to be large and in charge. In any given situation, D’s will ask two questions: "Who’s in charge here?" And "What are we doing?" If they don’t get a clear answer or if they don’t like the answer, they’ll step to the front and say, "Follow my lead or let’s do it my way."

4. Finally, D’s are quick to implement change to get better results. D’s hate status quo. Most people say, "if it ain’t broke…don’t fix it." D’s say, "if it ain’t broke, break it and I’ll make it better." Of course, "better" is how D’s define it.

Obviously, there are some real benefits of being blessed with the "D" personality. Being confident and motivated and able to respond well to a challenge is a good thing. Being able to see what needs to be done and developing a plan to accomplish it is huge. D’s Rock!!!

These unique strengths, though, become a handicap when they are taken to an extreme. A "D’s" sense of confidence can become pride and an unwillingness to admit when they’re wrong. Their desire for control can become heavy-handed demanding-ness. Their desire to achieve and win can lead to insensitivity to people, even treating them as a means to an end.

So if we were to apply the fruit of the Spirit to a D-personality, which character qualities might need to be emphasized so D’s will start looking a little less like "us" and little more like "Jesus"? Here’s the list again. Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) … love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I can’t think of any, can you? Us D’s have it all together. There’s no chink in our armor. But I’ve been told by reliable sources (my wife) that some D’s could use some major doses of love, kindness and gentleness. In fact, if you are a "D", you’ll struggle with one or all of these.

The first of these character qualities that God wants to produce in us, including D’s is "love". The term means: self-sacrifice that seeks what is best for another person, requiring nothing in return, even when they seek the worst for us.

At our worst, D’s often use other people to get their own agenda accomplished--not a very loving response. And yet, God wants to develop a kind of love in us where we pour our energy into people purely for their benefit. We are getting our tasks accomplished while bettering the people around us. That’s what walking in step with the Holy Spirit looks like for a "D".

A second character quality that is needed for a well-rounded D personality is "kindness". It’s an attitude of meekness, benevolence, or mellowness; and that doesn’t sound much like the character of a "D", does it? Jesus used this term. He once said, Matthew 11:29-30 (NLT) Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.

You know what a yoke is, don’t you? It’s the harness that goes over an ox to control its actions. When Jesus said that his yoke was easy, the word "easy" is this word "kindness". He’s saying that his yoke, his control is tailor-made and well fitting. It doesn’t chafe the one who wears it. If you’re a D personality and you’re leading the charge, you need to be understanding and accepting of others weaknesses and strengths. You shouldn’t chafe them with unreasonable demands or expectations. Sometimes you need to mellow out, take it easy, or lighten up.

Lastly, the D-personality needs a dose of "gentleness". Gentleness means power under control. It’s a term used of an animal that had been tamed. Jesus was even called gentle. On Palm Sunday when Jesus rode into Jerusalem, Matthew wrote that he did so in order to fulfill the prophecy that said, Matthew 21:5 (NIV) "Say to the Daughter of Zion, ‘See, your king comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.’" Jesus claimed to be a king with ultimate power, but he didn’t come to show off his power with horses & chariots. Instead, he moseyed into town on the back of a donkey. He was gentle and under control.

You know, for those of us who are D’s, we are by far the most dangerous and forceful of the personality types because our power can overwhelm others--even scare them. This doesn’t mean that the inherent power of our personality goes away. We’re still a force to be reckoned with, but we need to be a force under control that is submitted to the authority of God.

So what are some action steps D’s can take to open them up to the influence of the Holy Spirit and become more like Jesus? 1. Embrace failure. D’s are very confident in our ability to make it happen. We can’t stand failure. But failure breaks the pride of self-sufficiency. God wants us to submit to him and be dependent on Him. It’s only in our humility that God will grow our love, kindness & gentleness for others. James 4:6,10 (NLT) God opposes the proud
 but favors the humble. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.

2. Practice Silence. D’s are quick to offer opinions and control conversations while failing to listen to others. James 1:19 (NLT) says,…You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak… Keeping your mouth shut may develop your kindness by showing if you’re trying to harness or overwhelm someone. It may help your gentleness by keeping your power under control.

3. Choose Second Place. D’s don’t always have to be in charge. Let someone else be first. When Jesus arrived on the scene, the big man on campus was a guy named John, the last of God’s prophets. John was an off the charts "D". He had a huge following. But everyone began to follow Jesus instead. Some of John’s followers were upset and jealous.

John responds: John 3:29-30 (NLT) It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the best man is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less. In other words, "I’m just the best man-not the groom. It’s not about me. It’s about him. Lets focus on Him." John had learned to choose second place.

Probably some of us D’s today need to step back and decide not to be in charge and instead take second place. But more than that, some of us D’s need to say that to God. "It’s about you God. I’ve spent so much time and effort making it about me, but really it’s about you. It’s time to follow your lead and not my own. It’s time to get out of the spot light and focus on you."